Dreams Do Come True (Now What?)

Well, here I am, on the cusp of seeing my dream of authorhood come true. Truthfully, I always knew it would happen, felt it down to my very bones. But as the day draws nearer, as the book reviews in national magazines get ready to appear, as my face pops up on Amazon along with some really awesome previews, as the scheduling for book readings start showing up in my calendar, I can't help but feel, well, mildly terrified. What do you do when your dreams really do come true? The idea of formulating a new dream seems somewhat daunting. I mean, this dream was a decade in the making, and, by all accounts, was very nearly unreachable. What next? What do I dare dream for? Success? Name recognition? Financial gain? It's funny, those are the obvious choices. But in truth, I just want to be read, for my work to reach as many people as possible. That's my new dream, and I know, just know, I'll wake from it with a big, bright smile on my face. For now, though, I'll just let my current dream unfold, in beautiful, full-blown technicolor.

The Art of Rejection

To be a writer is to have exceedingly thick skin. To be a gay writer is to have skin of steel. I say this knowing how the publishing industry shrinks from year to year, how the number of anthologies and the need for short stories dwindles, and how the competition grows more and more fierce. That being said, I love writing. It is a passion that consumes me. If I’m not working on a story, I feel empty inside; which is why I’m always, always working on a story. So, back to the thick skin. I started keeping diligent track of my work on 03/03/06; from between then and now, 01/06/09, nearly three years, I submitted short stories 190 times. Not 190 stories, mind you, just 190 times, all to paying markets, mostly anthologies. Not 190 stories because my stories frequently don’t find homes right away. It can take several tries, many several sometimes, before an editor accepts my work. Now, of those 190 attempts for publication, I received 65 wonderful acceptance emails and letters, emails and letters that filled me with boundless joy and satisfaction. So, you do the math; that leaves a boatload of rejection: 104 rejections, in fact. The remainder are still outstanding, editors I breathlessly wait to hear back from. 104 rejections in almost 3 years is, as you’d expect, a massive number. That’s 104 heartbreaks and heartaches. And yet, it doesn’t kill me. It’s par for the course. And, with 65 acceptances, I am, actually, shooting way above par. So, I keep my skin well-oiled, shoring up the holes and cracks as they pop up, and I weather the tumultuous storm. I have faith in my work, in my abilities as a writer, and I know my skin, thick as it is, will remain unpierced.

Perils of a porn writer

Hey, it’s not like I don’t like getting fan mail, but sometimes you gotta draw the line. And then redraw it and slap the bitch that crosses it. Yes, dear friends, I received a creepy one today. Fortunately, they’re few and far between. Not that the email from the midget in prison wasn’t nice, but, well...In any case, today’s threw me for a loop:

Hi rob, just finished reading your short story “Wild West Show” in the Ride Me Cowboy anthology. I really enjoyed it and all the rest in the book. I have a silly question maybe you cab shed some light on.....some time ago a friend of mine lent me a tape of people having sex with various animals. I had never seen anything like this before and got a little interested on why there are not any of this kind of thing available; if they are, there are not too many. This peeked my interest and would like to see some more or read a novel that has this issue in it. Many people live on farms and ranches, so this must be going on. Any idea if any of this exists in books or films?

Yep. See, creepy, right? Puts a bit of a pit in your tum-tum, doesn’t it? Not that I’m being judgemental, mind you - well, wait, yes I am. And, no, my story has no farm animals in it. Nor will they ever. Um, not in that way, anyway. Actually, harkening back a bit, I did have a story, “Dairy Queen”, in Freshmen Magazine, but the cows were more of a backdrop, so to speak.

Suffice it to say, the email made me feel uneasy. And, no, I didn’t reply to him. Though I did feel like telling him to go fuck himself. And leave the poor sheep out of it.

How I broke into the porn business

Well, porn writing business, at any rate. And, really, it was a strange twist of fate. One of those things that never coulda, woulda, shoulda happened, had it not been for one particular story of mine: Go Fuck Yourself (Which, by the by, is the longest piece of erotica ever to appear in MEN Magazine). See, for years, I was writing pretty much nothing but humorous fiction, fairly PG-13 stuff. Then I stumbled across Velvet Mafia (Yippy Sean Meriwether!) I’d submitted Go Fuck Yourself to Suspect Thoughts Press, for an anthology they were putting together, but was (politely) turned down. Figuring I had nothing to lose, I asked Sean if he could use it for Velvet Mafia instead. And my story was (politely) accepted. Jump ahead a mere two months, and the editor of Specialty Publications (Now Unzipped Media), which publishes MEN, Freshmen, Unzipped, and the now sadly defunct [2], contacts me, said he read my story, and asked if I’d like to write for them. Kinda like Lana Turner’s discovery at Schwab’s Drug Store - only without the boners and stuff. So, they publish my story, Three Thousand Miles of Ass, followed by the aforementioned Go Fuck Yourself, and the rest, as they say, is history. Well, my story, at any rate. 30+ magazines, and well over 2 dozen erotica anthologies, later, and, voila, you got yourself one busy porn writer. Go figure. - With much love, Rob

A strange, unexpected find!

Well now, just the other day I was searching my name on Amazon (don’t ask), and I came across something way cool. I was quoted in a new book: “To Quote a Queer: A Compendium of Wit, Wisdom, and Devastating Remarks”. And on the same page as Lily Tomlin and E.M. Forster!...If you’re interested: http://www.amazon.com/Quote-Queer-Compendium-Devastating-Remarks/dp/1594742235/ref=si3_rdr_bb_product …Even more remarkable, I emailed the editor to ask where he found my quote, and it was from an interview I did for a UK website way back in 2002. Talk about a needle in a haystack! - With much love, Rob